Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The mountain

Ok, gonna try this again, after its refused to work so many times....

There are many moments in life that shape us into who we are.   I just ran across a quote on Pinterest that I hadn't seen in years.   A man named John Muir once said,  "The mountain is calling, and I must go."   This started my mind working and thinking about those moments in life that are gone so quickly.

Travel back in time to 2002.   Fresh out of college, I landed my dream job at an amazing state park in central Arkansas, forever after referred to as "my" mountain.   I was grown up, on my wn, ready to conquer the world.   Looking back, wow, I was soooo very young.   I spent four years pouring my heart and sole into that mountain, learning about all the flowers, wildlife, and history that my young mind was so eager to soak up.    Today, I don't remember the number associated with the CCC, the details of the forest fire that scarred the mountain.   I probably couldnt tell you the names of half the flowers.   But looking at myself, who I am, my mountain was so very influential.   I look back fondly at the Sunday evening Bible studies, and am curious about where the rest of the group is now.   I look at our girls nights and girls Bible studies, longing for that innocent comraderie once again.   And yes, I remember the best job a girl could ever hope for, and would only give up for the man of my dreams.  And I look back and see how much I grew in those four short years, and how much I've grown since.

Its those rough spots when I have to struggle with myself to keep from driving 400 miles back to my mountain, to walk 1 1/2 mikes down a trail to sit on a rock near a small trickling stream, because it's there that I learned so much about life.    I faced the fear of actually being able to give a presentation, came up with ideas for programs and wrote newspaper articles in my head.   But that rock is also where I sat, battling those feelings of being alone,and sitting on that rock, I truly felt God.   I conquered broken hearts, wondering how I'd survive when my best friend moved, and found God was there when, for the only time in my life, I fell in love.   It was on this rock, tears streaming down my face, that I truly grew up.   I changed from a child into an adult, with all the triumphs, tears and testing that goes along with that.  

Sometimes life gets the best of me, and I miss that rock so much my heart aches.   And I want to take my little girl to that rock, so that she can sit, just be still, and be with God, far from any modern conveniences, but so close at the same time.  Its in these moments, I can truly appreciate the simple words of Muir, "The mountain is calling, and I must go".  Because as a wife and mommy, I've never found another rock, and sometimes I need time completely alone, just me and God.