About 4 years ago I remember sitting, thinking about the future, not really understanding where life was leading me. I had broken up with my boyfriend, honestly looking back, one of the best things that ever happened to me, but of course I didnt see that at the time. I had dated a guy who I had come to discover I couldn't stand. So I was left with the question, is there anyone out there for me and how will I know if I find him. I remember struggling with this for quite a while and one night, while talking to my mom on the phone I remarked, "I wish God would just give me a neon sign." Still struggling with this a few days later, my mom made a comment. She said that maybe God would use a neon sign, it just might say Budweiser on it. So....you can imagine me shrugging her off as completely ridiculous. God wouldn't use a Budweiser sign, would He? Fast forward several months. My best friend had moved, but before she left, she convinced me to sign up on one of those free dating sites online. Or sorta free, you could look but not initiate conversation. I never thought I'd actually talk to anyone, then one day, I got an email. The guy sounded interesting. I responded (5 days later to get the nerve, but I responded.) So then, we emailed and chatted online for about a week, every free minute we had. THEN, we talked on the phone for a while (hours daily for a month) and we decided we needed to meet. So we did. He was great. I really liked this guy and was asking God again if I should get serious about this guy, still secretely wishing God would put a neon sign on him that said, yes he is the one, fall in love with him. I Knew that would never happen. All the while, I'd forgotten about my mom's comment about the beer sign. Then one day I told this guy I wanted more pictures of him and he obliged. He sent me a picture of him and a group of his friends, (you see where this is going) and do you know what was right above his head? Yep, a neon Budweiser sign. So yes, even in crazy ways that seem totally like freaky coincidences, God is there, showing us where to go.
Now you all know that I've been having some real struggles lately, wishing for another neon sign, or answers to the big question about if I'm really going to have to give my daughter to someone else to spend every day with when I so desperately want to stay with her myself. I'm needing answers, so I've gone back to those verses I've memorized and read hundreds of times in debating on whether to move to Wyoming, take a job at Petit Jean, find a guy to love, have a baby, get a job here, every major decision I've made in my adult life, this is what I've fallen back on, the best thing in life. So it seems as if all of you out there have a firm grip on reality and are doing ok with life, but I'm having some problems, so I thought I'd put a few words of encouragement. They are helping me, maybe they will help you too:)
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalms 56:3
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalms 27:13-14
May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. Psalms 20:4
Sow your seed in the morning and at evening do not let your hands be idle. For you do not know which will succeed whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well. Ecclesiastes 11:6
Whether you turn to the right or the left you will hear a voice behind you saying This is the way, walk in it. Isaiah 30:21
Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23
But the Lord said to him, "Peace! Do not be afraid. You are not going to die." Judges 6:23
If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Matthew 21:22
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow and the Lord will be with you. 2 Chronicles 20:17
I will instruct you in the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalms 32:8
Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
And a quote from Ella Fitzgerald, "Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong."
Amazing, Emily is still sound asleep, in the middle of the floor. She was laughing a Kendall playing with a toy one minute, the next she was asleep. Now I need some cuddle time with that cute little girl because that time may be limited very shortly, whatever God will have me do, I have to learn to accept, even if it isnt the answer I think I want.